The Coffee Weevil
by whatatravesty
Summary: Korra and Jinora run a coffeshop in Republic City. Hilarity and drama ensues.


"Check this out!" Korra yelled across the coffeeshop aptly named "The Coffee Weevil."

She held her hand to the coffeecup and then suddenly the coffee rose out of the cup in a ball and began spinning.

"Wow!" Jinora said. "You're coffee-bending! Wait-how does it work? Ohhh, because coffee beans come from the ground, right?"

"Well, heh, actually there's water in the coffee…"

Suddenly, Korra felt a blast of cold air as the coffeeshop door opened. In walked the most beautiful woman Korra had ever seen, a tall business woman in a badass suit, with luscious hair.

"Hi, one spirit coffee, please." The woman asked.

"Buh-buh-buh-uhhh, okay," Korra said. "Name?"

"Asami."

"Rhymes with 'salami'?"

"That's right. They call me Asami "The Salami" Sato."

"Wow, really?"

"No."

Flustered, but more than a little turned on, Korra turned to the coffee machine across the room. Shooting a skill-shot of flame across the room into the burner, she brought Asami's spirit coffee to a boil.

"Hmmm," Jinora said. "Can you transmute water into coffee? You know, you're the avatar and all! That way you wouldn't have to grow all these coffee beans using your amazing earthbending powers."

Korra chuckled. "I don't grow coffee beans using my earthbending skills. At least, not spirit coffee. These are beans we import from the spirit world, tended to by the great Coffee Spirit, Raava."

"I don't think that's how the story goes."

Asami downed the spirit coffee in a single gulp, like only a sexy business lady can.

"Thanks Korra," she said. "I needed that. After the business at the business factory making business things. Ugh. You wouldn't believe how business-y some of these business rivals can business-get."

"We get it," Korra said. "You do business."

"Not just business! I'm actually an engineer. I do science! That's why business is so irritating. I just want to hang out in my lab and invent stuff."

"Did somebody say inventing?!" A man with a crazed look in his eyes suddenly entered the coffeeshop. A stern-looking woman trailed behind him. "I'm an inventor, too! Oh, I'll have one spirit coffee, please."

"Your name?"

"Varrick!"

"That will be $5.20, please."

"Ah, but! I don't actually have any money. Isn't that right, Zhu Li?"

"Right, sir."

"See, myself and Zhu Li are only humble entrepreneurs intending to revolutionize the shipping industry with our more efficient ship designs! But we're still an early-stage stealth startup, so we don't have any money yet."

"Sir, we aren't a stealth startup because you just tell everybody exactly what we're doing," Zhu Li pointed out.

"Ahem," Korra interrupted. "If you don't have money, you can't buy a coffee."

"Oh, but we have something better! Zhu Li, do the thing!"

"Right away, sir."

Zhu Li suddenly pulled out a black marker and began drawing an exotic diagram on the floor.

Varrick explained as Zhu Li worked. "See, we had this idea. Everybody knows that to summon a spirit, you have to make a great personal sacrifice as payment."

"Um, no, that's not how spiritual stuff works-" Jinora tried to interject, but Varrick kept talking.

"Well, I had an idea-why not do the same thing in reverse. Why not summon a spirit and use _it_ as payment instead! Payment… for the coffee."

"It's ready, sir." Zhu Li said. Suddenly, the circle on the floor began to glow a dark, black glow.

And then-

"Why did you start a coffee shop anyways?" asked the spirit of Uncle Iroh, rising through the spirit world into the coffee shop floor.

"Oh," Korra replied nonchalantly. "That's a very interesting story. You see, it started when Amon started attacking Republic City back in the days when…."

"No!" Iroh said. "I mean, why did start a _coffee_ shop? When the superior caffeinated beverage is so obviously Ice Cold Coca Cola™.

Narrative voiceover: "Ice Cold Coca Cola. Taste the feeling."

"Go away, Iroh. We don't need coke here."

Iroh's ghost floated away.

"Well, it could have been worse," Jinora pointed out. "He could have been asking for Pepsi."

"Oh yeah, that would have been awful," Asami suddenly interjected.

 _Oh shit, she's still here_ , Korra thought. Korra was really turned on by Asami's strong opinions against Pepsi.

"Asami, do you want to go on a date with me?" Korra suddenly blurted out.

"Yes!" Asami cried. "You're the avatar, right? Who wouldn't want to go on a date with the Avatar?"

They exchanged numbers and arranged a time later that night. Then Asami left.

Korra returned to attempting to boil water using waterbending. Since most waterbenders lived at the poles, they primarily dealt with water and ice and didn't think much about water vapor.

Although… if they _could_ boil water, wouldn't they want to do that to warm themselves up?

Surely they would. The fact that they do not is surely bayesian evidence against "boilbending" being possible.

But, as soon as Korra tried, she found that it immediately worked!

Soon, the entire coffeeshop was covered in steam. There were gasps and screams from the customers as hot vapor flew into their faces. Customers bolted for the door.

"Ahahaha! This is awesome!" shouted Jinora.

"I know!" Korra said.

Jinora began making handmotions. Using airbending, she created a tornado of steam. She drove the tornado around the coffeeshop.

"Hey, we can both do that! Me with my waterbending, and you with your airbending!" Korra created her own tornado of water vapor.

In the bushes outside the window, a man in a mask watched intently. Not at the tornado nonsense that Korra and Jinora were doing, but at the boilbending that had recently went down.

The man's mask looked like Amon's, but with stripes of scarlet painted across the cheeks like the ancient warriors of Fa-Sing-Se (the sister city of Ba Sing Se, before it was burned into the ground by Jin the Conqueror. It was well known for its masks-that-looked-like-Amon's-but-with… well you get the point).

"So," he said to a younger girl besides him. "This is how the Avatar uses her amazing gifts. Boiling coffee and playing with steam. But think… when our powers come into fruition, how we might use this discovery. Ah…. grandfather Yakone would be so proud of us. We've all seen the mover trailers about him airing in Republic City. Our lives will have all that he had, and more."

"How much longer do we have to wait, brother?" she said. "Ever since our father Noatak vanished from our lives, we've been alone. On the run from the Republic City police, from the Four Kingdoms. I know I have the gift, but only a little. But when will your powers come into bloom?"

"Soon… very soon," he said. "And when it does, we will be unstoppable."

"Oh my," she said, eyes widening. "Combining boilbending and bloodbending together. Brother! You're a genius!"

"Yes of course," he said. "But first, we should learn how to boil Coca Cola. We could make a fortune making a rival shop to Korra's. The spirit of Iroh might even be willing to lend us a hand! Say, did you get down the name of that freaky businessman who did the voodoo spirit summoning? If we could get him on board, and make sure that Iroh wanted to sponsor us. And that amazingly beautiful lady next to him. The one who uh, does the thing. You know..."

 **Back in THE COFFEE WEEVIL.**

"This is incredible! Ahhh - do you think we can hurricane bend?" Jinora asked. "Not that we airbenders would recommend something so violent. But you know…. theoretically."

"Well," Korra said with a grin, "you never know until you try."

"But we can't go now, we have to run the shop!"

"Shit, you're right. Ok, I've got an idea."

Korra picked up the coffeshop phone and called her best bro, Bolin. "Hey Bolin, we need you to watch over the coffeeshop for a while, because Jinora and I have some important business for a bit.

"Sure!"

Bolin arrived in a jiffy.

"You know how to work the coffee machine, right?"

"Of course. I might not be able to _metalbend_ , but I can still operate the machine with my hands."

"Yeah, nobody said you needed to be able to metalbend, Bolin."

"Good!"

Korra and Jinora left the shop, leaving Bolin on his own.

Bolin patiently waited for the first customer to arrive. After about 15 minutes, Varrick, walked up to the counter and complained. "Where's our coffee? We paid for it, like, 30 minutes ago!"

"Oh, I'm sorry about that, I'll get right on it. What did you order?"

Varrick and Zhu Li gave each other a quick mischievous grins, and then Varrick said, "200 spirit coffees."

 **Meanwhile...**

Over by the bay, Korra and Jinora are standing a mile apart, looking at the bay from opposite ends. Korra uses her pair of semaphore flags to signal, "R-E-A-D-Y" to Jinora.

The two girls begin bending. Korra creates a cloud of steam, and Jinora begins to move it in a vortex. The work is slow, but they amass a greater and greater amount of steam slowly over the course of an hour. Soon, they have a legitimate hurricane on their hands.

Jinora signaled Korra, "W-E-F-U-C-K-I-N-G-K-I-C-K-A-S-S"

Korra signaled back, "H-E-L-L-Y-E-A-H."

Suddenly, with their attention off of the bending, their creation loosed itself upon the town.

 **Back in THE COFFEE WEEVIL.**

Bolin is rushing to make the 200 spirit coffees. He is only on #48 at the moment, but the line of customers waiting to order is already out the door, full of angry, thirsty customers.

 _Angry customers who haven't had their morning coffee yet._

Bolin knew that if he didn't figure out something soon, he would have an angry mob on his hands. If only he could metalbend, he could work the coffee machine more efficiently...

Suddenly, the winds outside suddenly picked up. All the customers who were in line outside were suddenly swept away by the wind, shrinking the line to a manageable size.

 _Phew_ , Bolin thought. He accepted the miracle, and decided to fill the remaining customers' orders before finishing Varrick's order.

 **Back at the bay**

"S-H-I-T-W-H-A-T-D-O-W-E-D-O-T-H-E-C-I-T-Y-I-S-G-O-I-N-G-T-O-G-E-T-R-E-K-T" Jinora signalled.

"F-U-C-K-I-K-N-O-W"

"Y-E-A-H-F-U-C-K-L-I-K-E-W-O-W-R-E-A-L-L-Y-J-U-S-T-L-I-K-E-F-U-C-K"

"W-A-I-T-L-E-T-S-J-U-S-T-U-S-E-O-U-R-B-E-N-D-I-N-G-M-A-Y-B-E-T-O-F-I-X-T-H-E-H-U-R-R-I-C-A-N-E"

"O-H-F-U-C-K-G-O-O-D-I-D-E-A"

The pair tried to reign in the hurricane but it out of control.

"F-U-C-K-T-H-I-S-I-S-N-T-W-O-R-K-I-N-G" Jinora signalled again.

"W-H-Y-D-O-N-T-Y-O-U-G-O-T-O-T-H-E-S-P-I-R-I-T-W-O-R-L-D"

"G-O-O-D-I-D-E-A"

Jinora began mediating. She knew what she had to do. She had to find the great coffee spirit (for that was the spirit with which they were most in tune) and beg it to help them. Beg it to send the hurricane somewhere else.

 **90 years ago.**

"Looks like your uncle was right about the storm after all," Lieutenant Jee said. He was standing at the brig of a small Fire Nation ship, addressing a 16 year old banished prince on deck.

"Lucky guess," said Iroh.

"Lieutenant! You better learn some respect!" Zuko commanded. "Or I will teach it to you."

(Insert the Entire Transcript of The Storm here.)

"But where would such a powerful hurricane come from?" Iroh mused. "And how did I know it was coming…. Hmmm…." He said. He moved a few cards in his wooden tarot deck. "Air. Wormhole. Spirits. Coffee. None of these cards make sense."

Iroh let out a gasp. There was a strange card in the deck he had never seen before.

"Coffee?" he cried out. "Why do I even have this card in here?"

Then he looked over at the other cards.

"And where did Air and Spirits come from?"

 **Back in the present (that evening)**

In the hurricane ravaged town, which had safely been dealt with through some amazingly fast footwork thanks to Jinora and the Great Coffee Spirit, Korra was brushing her hair in the mirror of her Avatar lean-to.

"Don't be nervous Korra… just have to be natural. Confident. Girls love confidence, right? Is that why Varrick always has Zhu Li hanging around her? Is that why Bolin was irresistible to the female hog-monkeys that one time we went to the zoo? Wait no, those were male hog-monkeys. Maybe Bolin just turns that kind of crowd on. Ponytail or no ponytail? Makeup? I can't believe I actually got this date. But when have I ever been nervous? Wasn't it I, the great Avatar, who faced down the terrible threat in that crisis in the North Pole, when our coffee machines froze in the terrible blizzard, and I hadn't discovered boilbending in time to be able to save the day? We almost lost all two of our paying customers from that land! But in the end only one of them stopped coming to us. Yes yes, that's right. That is the largest challenge I have ever faced. And surely, no sexy business-lady no matter how tall and no matter how luscious her hair, can top that one."

But something about those words rang false to Korra. It was in her description of Salami. I mean, Asami. She sorta confused the two because both were so juicy and delicious, scrumptious and moist. And they both wore sexy business suits, and had such killer legs that Korra could just die. Mmmm. Korra started drooling just thinking about it.

"Droolbending," Korra corrected.

But back to the description. It wasn't just that Salami was the most drop-dead gorgeous girl Korra had ever seen. It wasn't just that she was the first woman to make her realize she could like girls. No…. it was that Salami was more than just a pretty face. There was something intangible about that woman…. The confidence in her walk, the coolness with which she talked about engineering and science, and her obvious passion for the technical. Something unusual stirred in Korra's breast. It was… a **feeling** she had never quite **tasted** before.

"Is it the feeling of lacking Ice Cold Coca Cola?" Iroh's voice suddenly rang out from the Spirit Portal in the South Pole, reverberating around the world. "Guaranteed to make any date a successful one! Even for Avatars!"

Narrative voiceover: "Ice Cold Coca Cola. **Taste** the **feeling**."

"Go away, Iroh. We don't need coke here."

Iroh's ghost floated away.

 **45 minutes later**

"So, what did you do today?" the Avatar asked awkardly.

"Well, I had a lot of business meetings. Then I got tired of them, so I said FUCK THIS. Then I left and accidentally discovered that my father was involved in an evil plot to make all the restaurants sign deals to _exclusively_ sell Pepsi, and not Coke. I mean, Coke is no coffee, but at least it isn't utter garbage like Pepsi. So I electrocuted my own father and sent him to prison."

"Wow, that's so incredible," Korra said. "I made a hurricane today."

"Holy fuck, YOU made the hurricane?! That's totally sick!" Asami shouted.

"Yeah!"

"Wow, even I don't know how to engineer a hurricane. All I know how to do is engineer autonomous robot things."

"Wow, that sounds totally awesome, too!"

"Korra, I think we were meant for each other. Do you want to go on a vacation with me?"

"Yeah! But… where to?"

"I don't know," Asami replied. "I work all the time, I've never really had time to think about vacation..."

"Okay, well… I have an idea. I've always wanted to try different coffeeshops around the world. I have a list of all the well-known coffeeshops across the water, fire, and earth nations that I want to see. But travelling is too expensive."

"Would… an airship work?"

"Yeah!"

"Let's go, then."

Then with a wink, she reached out to take Korra's hand.

 **EPILOGUE**

Bolin finally finished Varrick's order for 200 spirit coffees.

"Good job, kid, I knew you had it in you. Say, how would you like to be… a star?"

 **EPILOGUE 2**

"We also have to go to a Salami shop," Korra said.

 **EPILOGUE 3**

Aang kicked back on the spirit hill and opened a nice bottle of Ice Cold Pepsi.

"The Joy of Pepsi-Cola," he said.

 **TO BE CONTINUED?**


End file.
